"My left orbital socket is reconstructed from titanium. I have a prominent scar on my chin that runs deep, severing small nerves, my grin crooked when I smile from ear to ear. A tear line slash makes its crimson appearance when I cry or drink. Countless more sprinkle & line my face where 200 pieces of glass were once embedded. My left eyebrow grew back defiantly rogue in matching it’s sister
My vision permanently impaired, seeing double every time I looked up beyond a 30 degree angle
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For over a decade my face was a daily emotional trigger of pain, trauma, loss, fear & guilt. Every time I looked in the mirror it was a reminder of my car accident. The loss of my best friend. Fear that I would continue to lose everyone, everything I loved. Guilt of surviving, not wanting to live
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I tried to shield my face in a mask, wearing sharpie lines of eye makeup to deter attention from my scars. People still asked. Daily. Weekly. “What happened to your face.” I would burst into tears. “Did your cat scratch you?” I would snap back “my saber tooth tiger?” There was no escape
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In photos I would turn my face, refuse to smile, shrink behind my hair. I wore giant hats & sunglasses for years. My posture turned haughty, people thought I was stuck up, but in reality I lifted my chin so high to avoid seeing double, so that I wouldn’t break down in frustration
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I was a hot mess. This physical reflection of myself manifested into anxiety, depression, self loathing, abuse, anger, & cyclical routines of drama. My world became as chaotic as the inner traumas playing on repeat inside of my head & heart
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But time began to slowly heal my physical wounds. Just as therapy in vast quantities, unconditional love & support from loved ones
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Yoga began to slowly transform my heart & mind
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My story is just a part of my past now; & when I look in the mirror my face a gentle reminder that I am a survivor, a beautiful reflection of my inner and outer healing in progress...of life. And love. 🖤🕉 Haleena
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. “We become free the day we have no more emotional charge attached to our memory” - @beebosnak
