"Nine years ago today I was collected by taxi at 6:30am, wearing age 10 leggings & vest & my boyfriend (now husband's) hoody that swamped me in comfort & security. I was shaking & sobbing because I knew what lay ahead of me this day; I was going to an NHS treatment centre for Anorexia: to help me, feed me & help heal me.
I honestly thought 9 years ago I was going to die through the fear I felt. The fears I had inside were so overwhelming, all I could do was shake & cry to express them"
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"Not until that day did I feel real fear. I didn’t feel fearful hearing the doctor say I had 2 weeks left before my heart gave up, hearing my therapist consider sectioning me or seeing my mum cry every time she saw me
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It wasnt until that day that fear ran through me thinking that food would hurt me; nurses were out to get me, that I'd lose everything if I got better; that I was nobody without anorexia
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The fear of knowing this was the end of the road for my eating disorder & protection it gave me. The fear of finally having to face my fears & begin the unknown process of healing
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The human body is so incredible in how it can repair itself but what is more incredible to me is the human spirit.
The spirit of faith & belief in something greater than ourselves.
Of being stronger than we could ever imagine we could be
Of facing fears through a waterfall of tears
The spirit of courage to not back away from a challenge, of not giving up when we fall but choosing to start again. Again. And again
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Over the past 9 years I've grown in ways I never thought I could
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Recovering from a mental illness & addiction doesn’t hold a cure I’ve learnt. There is coping, there is management & there is healing, all of which are on going processes that force us to grow as we go
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Looking back isn’t always good but for me looking back on this day & remembering the start of my recovery, will always warrant recognition & I will never stop sharing my story & message;
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RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE &
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE to handle it
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