I lived a hectic London lifestyle of working 2 jobs, studying a Masters...& getting wasted as often as possible. I always felt a nagging sense of anxiety but didn’t know it was called that. I thought it was normal. I now know, it’s not normal to be binge drinking at age 12, it’s not normal to drink to the point of blacking out every time. I discovered Bikram yoga then, & it fit that lifestyle
I left London & moved to the US, got married, & traveled across the states in our van for 2 years. I'd often have bouts of depression & sometimes even feel suicidal, spend a day sobbing inexplicably. I used the money I had made from a season trimming weed to take a 200-hour yoga TT in Mexico, without knowing the style of yoga, I just leapt in
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This YTT changed everything: we were learning classical Sivananda Yoga (which I had never heard of), & the month-long intensive focus on physical asana practice, mantra chanting, meditation & breath-work shifted energy within that I'd buried since the age of 3. Childhood wounds of abandonment I was unaware of. I spent a LOT of that training sobbing uncontrollably, feeling these traumas & emotions as if I was that little girl experiencing for the first time
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Sivananda Yoga made me realize too that yoga isn’t about the body or the poses at all- it’s about the spirit inside, Universal Consciousness or God or whatever you want to call it - that we can feel again when we quiet the mind
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For 6 months after returning home to our van in TX, I was a mess. I was re-experiencing all that pain as if for the first time. My mum suggested therapy. I was in a black hole. But thankfully through yoga & meditation, devotional mantra & some incredible therapy sessions, I came through & learned how to truly love myself, learned that I can be ok
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If it hadn’t been for this particular holistic style of yoga, I may still be carrying repressed trauma & acting it out. It’s why I’m so into bringing the healing gifts of trauma-informed yoga to those who need it most. I’m now lucky enough to teach yoga in addiction recovery & with homeless populations because it saved my life 💚
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