“You have a growth in your brain.” Even the doctors didn’t want to say the C word. Brain cancer? A tumour? It all seemed so impossible. Just last week I was pregnant with our first child. Now, at 33 years-old, I’ve had a miscarriage & I have brain cancer? How can life go so wrong in 1 week?"
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"Before diagnosis I loved & taught yoga. After surgery to remove the tumour, the trip to India to heal myself emotionally, the chemo, the radiation, & all the emotions my yoga knowledge turned into wisdom
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Through the trauma that is Cancer I was able to rely on my yoga tools to help me through. My meditation cushion became my refuge, a place to feel & be present
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Treatment was full of emotional ups and down. One minute pounding the bed, screaming in anger. The next moment my husband was holding me on the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. Then, within minutes, we are both laughing. Yoga helped me stay present with the tornado of emotions, really feel them, & then let them pass. To know that the emotions were valid but they didn’t control me gave me peace
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Learning how to balance between controlling things I could (tapas) & surrendering to the things I could not control (Ishvara Pranidhana) helped me go with the flow when I got bad news or another round of radiation
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Yoga taught me that I am more than my labels. I am more than brain cancer & more than my inability to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a mother. I found the ability to move past these labels & know my truest self on the deeper level. Non-attachment to these labels allowed me to be ok with who I am in this moment & also that I will likely never be a mother
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Most importantly, I learned that contentment, Santosha, is real! You can actually be content when the s*#t hits the fan! It amazed me that I glimpsed that contentment in the midst of the turmoil. This contentment is always with us, we just have to remember
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Connection to this beautiful, precious moment, just as it is, brings us contentment 🙏
Christina 💚
. “By contentment supreme joy is gained.”- Yoga Sutras 2.4
