"In my early 30s, I began to abuse ambien and anxiety medication to deal with the stress of working at a big law firm and the PTSD of an abusive marriage. Because I hadn’t dealt with the after effects of my marriage, I found myself in another emotionally abusive relationship"
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"As my stress spiraled, my addiction worsened. I started to pair pills with alcohol. My addiction sent me to the ER multiple times, but kept getting more out of control. At the end, I had to be medivac’d to a hospital in Costa Rica from the small town I was in, and from there went to rehab for 2 months. I’ve been sober ever since - 7 and 1/2 years. Looking back, I know how lucky I am that I’m alive
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I never consciously wanted to die, but my actions were leading me there nonetheless. I remember the first time in the ER. It was late at night, & the nurses had called my family. I vaguely recall talking to my sister and asking what the point of life was, & her crying and begging me to get help, that people loved & cared about me. It took me at least a year to believe her. I was stuck with the idea that I was unloved & unloveable.
During yoga teacher training in Costa Rica, I fell in love with myself. And for the first time, I could recognize that other people cared about me too. I stopped drinking & taking pills, but that put me into withdrawal. I was too afraid & ashamed to tell anyone how bad I was feeling. I know now I could have died from kidney or heart failure. Fortunately, I ended up in the hospital instead
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I am so grateful that I lived & was able to go to rehab & access tools that allowed me to get healthy. I feel like a different person now. I’ve had the opportunity to experience life without the constant fear & the haze of substances
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Yoga and moving my body has given me so many tools to help with feeling strong (physically and mentally), to help me stay in the moment rather than focus on potential outcomes
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If you’re struggling with addiction, or suicidal thoughts, reach out to someone. Call a hotline. The first step is the hardest. My happiest experiences have occurred after I committed to living
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💚 Laura Rose
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