"In my youth, excessive exercising & restricted calorie intake developed into bulimia nervosa, a disorder that carries so much shame that I did everything in my power to hide it for years. Lies, whatever it took. I thought I was in control, but in actuality I was so out of control I could barely keep it together"
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. "I had many moments where I wasn’t sure how I’d ever be released from my ED’s power. It controlled my mind, then controlled my actions. I can honestly say there are years of my life I don’t remember clearly because of how deeply consumed I was by sickness.
The summer before entering university I was in an unhealthy relationship, which didn’t help my self-worth. I decided to travel with a friend to Europe, to explore, gain independence & experience life. It took a turn for the worse, a memory that I live with every day of my life
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I was raped: & with that lost my pride, self-worth & freedom. Instead of facing the incident head on, I chose to shelve it & told myself I'd be okay & could deal with it alone. I kept it in for almost 7 years. Little did I realize the impact that would have on me long term
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12 years ago I tried my first yoga class & from that day forward my life has never been the same. From the moment I stepped into the studio I felt an instant need to come back for more. Yoga played an integral role in my recovery. I was quite stubborn (still am) & refused professional help. My first yoga class would be the start to a long journey to recovery. I am now going on 12 years without a bulimic relapse
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To say it has been an easy road would be a lie. Once you live with an eating disorder it’s a friend for life. I’m grateful that I’m no longer under its control & how it continuously fades away by the day. My daily self care has become a priority. My solo time, meditation, yoga, healthy food & continuous self love practices allow me to live a happy life.
I hope my story serves others in a positive way & allallows people to relate to the struggles & provide, if nothing else, hope toward love & light 🙏 Nicole "
