"Fear is such a powerful emotion that it can feel paralysing & unchangeable"
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This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness week & our dear friend & Ambassador @esthermarie.yoga has a vitally important message for us 🙏
. "I lived in fear for most of my life. From about age 12 - 29. A deep rooted, internal, irrational, fear that I wasn’t good enough
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I wasn’t enough as I was.
I wasn’t clever enough, doing enough, perfect enough, liked enough, or wanted enough
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Around age 17 this then seeped into disordered eating & over exercising because I didn’t feel in control enough of my life
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Even after medical treatment, & 3 attempts at recovering from this state of constant striving to do enough to beat this fear, I still felt I wasn’t enough
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I looked healthy, my weight was restored, my BMI was perfect, my organs restored but my brain wasn’t better. Looking fit & healthy doesn’t mean you actually are believe me. You can be functioning with these thoughts, watching what you eat, avoiding certain foods, sticking to a gruelling workout schedule, just as I was after treatment for a good 4 years
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Only in the past 3 years since 2016 & finding yoga & meditation, do I feel like I’m changing & defeating these ingrained fear based core beliefs
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I still hear the thoughts of ‘ have I exercised enough? Am I Eating healthy enough? Am I liked enough? All around us are edited snap shots of ‘perfection’ on social media. It’s only natural the mind wanders down comparison avenue & fears get bigger
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However, now I notice these thoughts, & give no meaning to them because I know are not going to make me stronger or my life richer
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Recovering from disordered eating, exercising, self-destruction & fear based living is hard and bumpy. It’s not linear like we want it to be nor is it comfortable. It takes letting go, forgiveness, kindness, stillness, courage and a whole lot of 💕LOVE 💕to block out the unwanted noises and to re teach yourself that actually
You ARE ENOUGH
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Regardless of weight, money, exercise, foods you like to eat, popularity, muscle tone & flesh on your body; YOU ARE SO ENOUGH