"It took years of using prescription pills & heroin before I ever realized that I was also getting high to drown my own self loathing & pain"
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"Almost as far back as I can remember, I day dreamed about being someone else. I always carried a feeling that I wasn’t good enough, cool enough, pretty enough, or smart enough, & it seemed that nothing could drown out the disdain I felt for who I was"
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When I was 15 years old, I was introduced to prescription pills by some friends at school. Back then it was a way to feel “cool” & rebellious, but most importantly, it was a way to fit in with the crowd
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By the time I realised it I was doing it to drown my self loathing it was way too late. I eventually moved on to IV heroin use, & ironically, I grew to hate myself even more. It was no longer an escape, but a prison, & I was trapped
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4 years ago, I found myself facing possible prison time. I was hopeless and I had given up. Long ago I had accepted this as my life and truly believed I would never be free of the hold heroin had over me. I was offered a place in a drug court program and was released from jail. I still struggled, the Twelve Step Program was not working for me. Desperate to find something, I spoke with my counselor who suggested meditation and yoga
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After months of frustration & practice, meditation got easier and I noticed changes in myself. I had developed some confidence, I wasn’t as angry, & I could identify my emotions and cope with them
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In March 2018, I celebrated 3 years free of heroin. In April, I graduated Yoga Teacher Training, & I am also back in the drug court program that I graduated from. Only this time, I am not a participant but a group leader. I volunteer teach a yoga and meditation group to the current participants every Tuesday. Yoga saved me. Yoga makes me feel proud, and free, and courageous. I became a teacher because i wanted to share this beautiful way of life with others, in hopes that it will help someone love themselves, just like it did for me 🙏
