"My fiancé was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the oral tongue on Thanksgiving 2011. How could someone who went to the Airforce Academy, played Division 1 football, & never smoked a cigarette receive such a horrifying diagnosis? This was & is the question to this day that replays in my mind"
.
"Just six grueling months after his diagnosis, with me as his primary care-taker, he passed away. I held his memorial service on my 30th birthday. As all of my friends were getting married & having babies, I was a “widow”, living at my parent’s house, having to start my life completely over
.
I instinctively wanted to curl inward & disappear. I became numb. I was told that I had PTSD from what I had witnessed throughout his illness. I went to my first power yoga class & remember sobbing during shavasana. I walked out & knew this was exactly what I needed. Yoga saved my life .
The hour & a half at yoga was the one place I could be completely present & my mind could finally rest. My anxiety & fears had been pushed to the max and I had lost complete control. For my personality, this was torture. Yoga was a way to push myself on my own terms
.
I could have chosen drugs or another path, but I chose yoga and Hospice counseling, which was the respite for me. They say that yoga releases physical memory & I believe that with every sweat drop, a negative memory faded. Every song, every phrase the instructors used, I felt was directed at me
.
The message was to move on & to not feel guilty about it, to take care of myself, & to recognize how strong I was. I have always been a private person & never shared my journey with my yoga studio, or anyone for that matter, except my family and friends
.
I am also very intuitive & couldn’t ignore the many signs being sent to me. I became a certified kids yoga instructor in hopes to instill this practice in children, including the two toddlers that I have been blessed with
.
I hope to complete my 200-hour certification in the future, to help others who may be grieving & to let them know there is hope & there is always yoga 🙏
